You may wonder what the difference is between coaching and counseling. And 'what is it exactly that Nic and I DO when we coach someone'? Well, it's actually pretty simple. Counseling is needed when someone is working toward healing from past issues. For example, this is something I definitely needed to help me process and work through the scars and damage from our marriage.
But, Nic and I do NOT counsel. We are in no way qualified to help people heal their emotional, mental, or physical wounds from the past. However, coaching best serves the people we guide for this reason: it helps people get from where they are to where they want to go. When you decide you want to learn how to play golf better, you hire a coach to get you from your current skill level to a better one. When you get winded walking up the stairs, you invest in a personal trainer to whip you back into shape. If you want to go from numbly coasting through life to living a full, vibrant, spiritually ALIVE life, we can give you the tools that will help get you there!
When we were going through the ups and downs of surviving Nic's pornography addiction, we constantly felt alone and confused. At times, it felt like things were improving, only to find they were just getting worse again. It was defeating and frustrating and miserable - for BOTH of us.
If only we had known a couple who had been through this same struggle and had made it to the 'other side'. That elusive, unattainable land called 'sobriety', in all its shiny, out-of-reach glory! It never felt possible because we didn't KNOW FOR SURE it was.
After lots of individual and marital counseling (see, counseling is definitely necessary!), we finally crossed over into sobriety-land...
...and then we stayed there.
And we're still there! By the grace of God, He has given us tools to put in place to make sure we never EVER have to go back to the barren wasteland of addiction. We live a life in full color, on purpose, and without regret.
Now it's time for us to pass on what we've learned to those currently in the trenches. Enter, coaching.
Through coaching, we'll be able to challenge you (in a good way!) with new ways of thinking, being, and doing.
What got you where you are won't get you where you want to go.
(Just go ahead and think about that for a second.)
What led you to addiction land will NOT get you to sobriety land. Well, you might actually get to sobriety land, but without proper tools and accountability, you won't know how to stay there once you arrive.
And as the spouse of the addict, it might be tempting to think you don't need any help. This is his problem, after all, and I'm doing just fine on my own here, thank you very much.
I've got news for ya sister, you probably need just as much help, support, and accountability as he does.
Yes, this is his addiction. No, this is NOT your fault.
But let me ask you this: do you feel angry? bitter? resentful? envious? jealous? SAD? lonely? unworthy? unloved? NUMB???
These are YOUR emotions, friend. Not his. Which means, they're not his responsibility - they're yours.
If you're like me, each of these emotions would come in huge waves all the time. And I dealt with these big emotions in very healthy ways each time they hit. I stuffed my feelings, ate my feelings, screamed my feelings (usually at my sweet boys when stressed), and exploded with allthefeelings (emotional breakdowns). Ohhhh yeah, I didn't need help at all! SUPER healthy habits and affirming self-talk and leaning on my relationship with Jesus were clearly my jam through the rough spots.
(If you didn't catch on, that was blatant sarcasm.)
What would have been the most amazing gift was someone else holding me accountable for my emotional homework. Someone cheering me on yet shooting me straight when I needed it most. Someone who had been through it all and was now living in the habits and mindset I wanted for my life. Someone who could encourage me with prayer and encouraging scriptures at just the right time.
This is coaching.
We will soon have two options from which you can choose: weekly or monthly private group coaching with Jess.
"But wait, Jess... you just said private and group together like that wasn't an accident... ??"
That's correct! When you sign up for either weekly or monthly coaching, you'll be able to privately access our group coaching call (provided via private Zoom call link where your name/face/info will never be revealed). On this call, I'll be guiding you ladies through my 12 Steps to Thriving Success. These steps are designed to build on each other, taking a comprehensive approach to your total health and wellness (from spiritual, mental, emotional, & physical perspectives).
When you were completely entrenched in surviving life with a porn addict, that lifestyle permeated and affected everything and everyone around you. Now is the time to completely turn that environment on its head. It's time to turn everything upside down and establish your new, healthy, beneficial and purposeful habits.
This change will only be successful if you allow your coaching tools to affect all areas of your life. Your success through coaching is totally dependent upon YOU and how seriously you apply what you learn.
I am not here to sugar coat things - I'm here to keep you accountable and on track with your progress.
We will be revealing more information about our new coaching program in the coming weeks. The best way to stay in the know is to subscribe to our weekly newsletter. We'll also be giving out some inspirational freebies and infographics only available to our email list, so be sure to sign up for those exclusive giveaways!
Thank you for being here and sharing in this journey with us. We are so thankful you've decided to take ownership of your present AND your future. With your commitment to change, you're rewriting the story of your family's future. If that's not what we're called to do as Christians, I don't know what is!
*As always, any information you share with us (including your private email address) is always kept private. We never share or sell your information with anyone ever. Thank you for trusting us to treat you with the integrity you deserve.